Predigested Wisdom
Ambrose Bierce’s definition of ‘Aphorism’
A commonplace book is a journal for you to collect bits of writing that strike you for their content and form. Occasionally I will include some of mine.
Today, a few of my favorite “A” definitions from Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. The cynicism and wordplay is strikingly modern, considering it is 150 years old.
Absolute, adj Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarcy is one in which the sovereign does so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereign’s power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are goverened by chance.
Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
Accordian, n. An instrument in harmony with sentiments of an assassin.
Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.
Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted into each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Ambition, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
Apologize, v. To lay the foundation for future offense.
Aristocracy, n. Government by the best men. (In this sense, the word is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
Asperse, v. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.